


Closing Time: Homecoming

by SanSese



Series: Closing Time: Chronicles [3]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Crack, Evil Puns, Horror Elements, IKEA Furniture, M/M, another one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-22 16:17:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22019752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SanSese/pseuds/SanSese
Summary: After their frightening escapade in the IKEA, Sergio and Iker vowed to never set a foot again in the store. A couple of days and a curious incident later, they need to replace the buffet in the dining room. A trip to IKEA is out of the question, but luckily, Cesc has a buffet for them! Only, it's a build-it-yourself kit...
Relationships: Iker Casillas/Sergio Ramos
Series: Closing Time: Chronicles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1197265
Comments: 5
Kudos: 5





	Closing Time: Homecoming

It was still early in the morning, the sun had barely begun to rise, when Iker heard an enormous crash in the living room. He almost cut himself with his razor, startled, a million possibilities running through his head trying to find the source of the noise. One quick look to his left was enough to see that Sergio had left their bed sometime during his shave, making Iker sigh. His mouth was taking the shape of an S, lungs filled to the brim and ready to exhale, but he didn't get the chance to shout. Sergio was already staring at him in the mirror over Iker's shoulders, with a look in his eyes of someone who had made a big mistake. That, and the football in Sergio's hands were enough for Iker to guess the nature of the disaster downstairs.

"Really Sergio? Really?!"

-

The trip to Cesc's home was spent in total silence. Iker's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, eyes never leaving the road unless to glare at Sergio through the mirror. He felt like a private chauffeur riding like this, but it was better for the safety of the both of them to have Sergio seated as far away as possible from Iker. The defender looked at his feet, occasionally glancing up to smile tentatively. His gaze was met with pure ice however, so he sighed and began a game on Candy Crush.

-

Cesc immediately sensed the tension between his friends. He had left them in the living room to fetch coffee, musing about the reason of their animosity towards each other. Cesc knew enough about them to guess that Sergio had done something, again, which had made Iker angry, again. Shaking his head, he returned to the living room with the tray.

"Spill it. I can see you're both miserable, I don't want whatever is going on between you ruin our afternoon."

Sergio rolled his eyes and mumbled.

"I broke the buffet in the dining room while doing some juggling with a football."

Cesc frowned.

"You what?!"

Iker stood up, hands in the air.

"Exactly! Can you believe this idiot thought that playing with a football inside the house wouldn't be hazardous? A beautiful buffet that perfectly blended in the decoration completely in ruins!"

Iker then proceeded to explain how the football had broken an unstable foot of the furniture, which had crashed on the floor following the lack of balance. Cesc shrugged his shoulders, looking with sympathy at Sergio.

"Seems to me that your buffet was ready to collapse at any given moment."

Iker huffed, but he felt his ears heating up. He wouldn't admit it, but the buffet had been holding it up for years now with rusted nails and tape hastily put together. 

"Yeah well, we'll never find another one like this..."

Cesc looked thoughtful.

"You could go to IKEA, I'm sure th-"

"NOPE, already went there!"

Sergio interrupted his friend, an uneasy smile on his face.

"Believe me, they didn't have what we looked for. Really."

Iker nodded, his face growing pale just thinking about the store. Cesc thought for a moment.

"My aunt left me some pieces of furniture. They're in the storage room in the garage. I think there's actually a buffet in the lot! I can go get it, it's a build-it-yourself kit from IKEA. It's a bit dated, but it would go well with your interior if I remember it correctly. Just wait a minute."

Sergio and Iker didn't have the time to protest as Cesc disappeared through the hall. Sergio, who was now as pale as Iker, shook his head frantically.

"This must be a conspiracy."

Iker tried to be reassuring, clutching Sergio's hand to his heart, anger long forgotten.

"Come on Sergio, I'm sure his buffet is completely harmless. What can one buffet do?"

He lowered his voice, almost whispering. 

"I'm pretty sure that the store was at fault that night. Maybe bad vibes or an electricity problem caused the furniture to...do that."

Sergio closed his eyes, a faint smile on his lips.

"Bad vibes huh? Now who's being ridiculous?"

Iker sighed and cuddled Sergio closer to his chest. Cesc found them like this a minute later. He didn't know what had prompted them to reconcile so fast, but was happy for his friends. 

"I found the kit, it's a bit heavy to carry it alone so you can take it when you leave later, yes? It's definitely in the same style as your old one."

Sergio took a deep breath.

"Thank you Cesc, we'll take it."

-

"What do you mean there are 3 missing pieces and 5 pieces that don't go anywhere?"

Sergio looked at the building plan again, counting all the pieces needed to build the buffet. 

"I swear Iker, I don't know where are all these pieces are coming from!"

Iker eyed the furniture, standing somewhat upright but clearly lacking key items to be sturdy. 

"Maybe Cesc displaced some pieces? Or it wasn't complete to begin with."

Sergio sighed. He really didn't want to think about the other crazy explanations that began to form in his head.

"Yeah...I'll let Cesc know we'll be giving it back tomorrow, it's getting late anyway."

Iker nodded, rolling a superfluous bolt between his fingers. Sergio got up from the floor, dusted his knees and yawned. It had taken the whole afternoon and a good part of the evening to assemble the buffet. He patted Iker on the butt as he reached for the stairs.

"Dibs on the shower!"

Iker smiled. He placed the bolt on the coffee table along with the other useless pieces and left the living room. As he turned off the light, he heard a small sound. He quickly turned on the light again, eyes scanning the room and settling on the buffet. It was still there, not a millimeter out of place. With a nervous chuckle, Iker went up the stairs.

-

"Iker?"

"Mmmh."

"IKER wake up!"

"WHAT?!"

Sergio shushed him, finger pointing to his ear. The moonlight streaming through the folds was bright enough for Iker to see Sergio. The defender's eyes were wide, his hands shaking as he heard another thud from downstairs. Iker startled at the sound. Burglars! He nodded slowly and rummaged under the bed, his hand closing on the baseball bat stashed there in case of emergencies. Another thud resounded in the house. Sergio clasped Iker's hands and followed him through the night hall. It was still very dark, and nothing seemed to move downstairs. Carefully, the pair reached the ground floor, back to back as to see everything. Eventually they stood before the dining room. Sergio yelped as he stepped on something, his foot pulsing in pain. He looked at the culprit, recognizing the shape of a screw. Terror sized him, and he gripped Iker tight. They turned their heads towards the buffet, only the buffet wasn't there anymore. 

"Not again..."

A rumbling beside them warned them of something approaching, but it was too late to avoid the blow. The buffet thundered towards them and caught Iker with a swinging cupboard. The keeper fell on his back, the baseball bat rolling away. Sergio took it, a wild gleam in his eyes. Swinging the baseball bat as far back as he could, he smashed it on the buffet.

"Iker move!"

The buffet tipped over in a crash, almost crushing Iker as he rolled away in time. Sergio jumped on the back of the furniture, trying to prevent the buffet from standing up again. The buffet trembled and shook in an attempt to dislodge the defender from its back. 

"Iker the screws!"

The keeper searched frantically for a screwdriver in the toolbox, his heart thumbing wildly in his chest. Attacked by a buffet in his own house! As if it couldn't get crazier! 

"I got it! Hold on Sergio!"

He rapidly identified the screws that hold the wooden plates together and set to work, fingers unsteady as he unscrewed the bolts and nuts. The buffet was not done fighting however, violent outbursts made it difficult for Iker to access the screws properly. Sergio jumped on the back now, stomping the plate and hoping he would get through it. The moment Iker unscrewed a key bolt, Sergio stomped with all his might and fell on the dissembled plates, having jumped through the back plate. Iker helped him up.

"The backyard, now!"

-

"Are you sure that the salt is necessary?"

The fire was crackling, flames engulfing what was left over of the buffet and rising towards the moonlit sky. Sergio was pouring salt in the flames, anxiously waiting for the furniture pieces to burn into dust.

"We're never too careful. I read on those ghost hunting forums that salt can repel them, so I'm not taking any risks." 

He might have watched too many episodes of Supernatural too, to be honest. He stepped back from the fire and huddled against Iker. Both of them watched the buffet pieces spasm for a few moments, and then turning black as the flames burned brighter. A couple of minutes later, a long deep moan rattled the buffet and then the wood plates crumbled, leaving nothing behind in the burning pit.

"We could always fill the place with a piano, I've always wanted to learn."

Iker kissed the top of Sergio's head.

"As long as it comes in one piece and doesn't come from you-know-where..."

\- 

"So what about the buffet? 

"Oh, we didn't keep it."

"Yeah, it didn't match much with the interior."

"A bit too dusty you know, it couldn't hold a candle to the previous one."

"Oh, that's a shame."

"You said it."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
